My youngest daughter loves all things princess. For that matter, so did my older daughter at one time. Likely, she still does, as my wife’s still pretty partial to princesses as well. Fine, I like them too.
I’ve been hoping we would watch Disney’s “The Princess And The Frog” for some time now. The reality of a princess who isn’t as “white as snow” is appealing to me, you know, to challenge the assumptions we have about who a princess is. While conveniently avoiding having to navigate through the messages we send to young girls about the role of a princess, I was ready to help me and my family take a small step toward cultural proficiency through a Disney film.
Yeah, I know.
Now, Jasmin and Pocahontas and Mulan are certainly not your typical princesses; however, let’s be honest about a few things. First, does everyone really acknowledge them as “real” princesses? Second, they’re fairly “exotic” and safely not of “this” place. And, third, while they aren’t white, they certainly aren’t that dark; I mean, they certainly aren’t like Princess Tiana dark.
We loved the movie. It was fun, like all Disney movies are. It had some good messages, like all Disney movies do. Yes, it had some poor messages as well, like all Disney movies do, but it seemed to be serving my plan well: Indeed, all princesses do not look the same. And then, it happened.
“What did you think of the movie? Did you like it?”
“Yes. I liked that princess girl, but what happened to her?”
I knew who she meant. The blonde, white girl who initially pursued Prince Naveen. The one who didn’t get married to the prince at the end of the movie.
“Well, she’s fine, but she wasn’t the princess. Remember, Princess Tiana was the princess. The one who married Prince Naveen. Isn’t she pretty?”
“Yes, but, I’m not like her.”
I know we look for ourselves in things. It’s what connects us and makes us feel valued. Indeed, all princesses do not look the same, but we hope they look like us. How many young people find themselves when they look around, and, if they don’t, how many young people know where to turn for that feeling of being valued? A lot of eye rolling happens when there are conversations about who the faces are in media, and who our children see when they look toward those faces and beyond. Let’s stop pretending like it doesn’t matter.
It matters.
Oh wow. Essays and poetry just come to you, out of the mouths of babes. I guess it’s what’s known as a teachable moment. If only all children could experience this kind of learning at such a young age. Very cool. Frankly, I can’t stomach another Disney movie, after that sexist Lion King that had me steaming for hours and lecturing my 4 or 5-year old nephew that I took to it about its ills. But good for you for viewing it through awareness-raised eyes and helping your daughter do the same!
Nice to catch up with your posts again, Tom.
“I’m not like her” – why does the measure of worth or the concept of identity have to be weighed down by comparative analyses?
Think of a classroom and the destructiveness of posting grades on the wall. One girl’s excitement of receiving a “B” for the first time ever is suddenly destroyed by the fact that her friend, the one who does everything right, got an “A”.
Instead of “I’m not like her” can’t we be the ones who provide young people with that place you write of where they can “turn for that feeling of being valued?”
You’re right, we can’t pretend it doesn’t matter but at some point we need to ensure that our schools and the people in them, you and me, start helping our kids realize that they are all uniquely “royal” and that the greater connection comes through appreciating our diversity and the richness of colour it provides to the fabric of our own lives.