I can sit in a room and be invisible. It’s a luxury I enjoy. Conversations can go on around me, and I can go unnoticed, silent and reflective in my own thoughts. My presence matters. And, if I desire, I am suddenly not only visible in a room, I can capture all the attention. It’s a luxury I enjoy. Conversations can go on around me, and I get noticed, loud and reflective in my thoughts I wish to share. I am of the dominant culture, and yes, there is one. Where I’m from and where I live and where I work, I am of the dominant culture. It’s a luxury I enjoy.
And the white folks sit and make decisions. We know we’re white. We don’t have to say anything about it. English speaking, able minded, and able bodied, we sit and make decisions. Here and there a person of color shows up and makes us feel a little better, about what we’re not entirely sure. Here and there a person of color shows up and makes us feel a little bit uncomfortable, about what we’re not entirely sure. We know we’re white. We don’t have to say anything about it. And then, the person different than us says something about it. Now, it’s on.
How dare you. How dare you show up and say something about the most obvious thing in the entire room. How dare you show up and make a comment about something so in your face that it can’t possibly be in our own. How dare you show up and presume to know how I feel. Don’t tell me about your experiences, because they aren’t mine. Don’t tell me about yourself, because it’s not all about me. Don’t play the (fill in the blank) card. How dare you. Show up.
Woe is me. Forced to suffer the indignation of being blamed for everything. I never did anything to you. I never thought those things. I never had those feelings. I never observed what you’re talking about. I never. Until now. Wait, that’s something different. It’s not the elephant in the room, is it? If we’d just stop talking about our differences, we wouldn’t fixate on those differences, and then those differences will just magically disappear. After all, it works for me. It’s a luxury I enjoy.
And the 800 pound gorilla is now not only visible, it’s captured all the attention. And, for good reason. I am of the dominant culture, and yes, there is one. Where I’m from and where I live and where I work, I am of the dominant culture. I am of the dominant culture, and the dominant culture is me. Now, don’t you forget it. Not that you’re able to. Not that we’re actually supposed to. Not that it has to be a bad thing. Not that it is a bad thing. And I take another little step toward understanding myself. Understanding you. Understanding us.
Differences. Elephants. Gorillas.