The last thing I say to students when I have to discuss a discipline situation with them is, “We all make mistakes. All of us. Including me. I make them all the time. Taking ownership of our mistakes and deciding what we choose to do as we learn from our mistakes and move forward is what matters. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about learning and trying to do things differently.” Sure, my statement doesn‘t always match that word for word; however, it’s pretty darn close. I view my interactions with students and families during a discipline situation as opportunities to build relationships. It’s a mindset that requires focus during the most challenging times, but it’s one that helps build a positive culture and climate for myself and those I serve.
Here are some questions I ask myself when I’m working with a student during a discipline situation …
1. Am I creating a power struggle and/or abusing my power and privilege as we’re interacting?
2. Am I giving the students an opportunity to share what happened, how they felt, and how they are feeling?
3. Am I truly listening and trying to understand their point of view?
4. Am I helping them learn how their actions impacted and/or came across to another person or persons, instead of assuming they actually know?
5. Am I trying to create solutions with them, or am I just focused on handing out the consequences?
6. Am I telling students and families how it is, or am I helping them understand the rules, responding to their needs, and seeking help with ideas for support?
7. Am I making certain to interact with students in a positive way every single day?
The first thing I ask a student when I discuss a discipline situation with them is, “How are you doing?” I ask it because I genuinely care. It’s not just a way to start the conversation and get some small talk going. I ask it because I genuinely care and I want them to know that I care. I’ve blown it plenty of times with students. I’ve lost my cool. I’ve had to apologize for my words and actions way more than once. I’m sure I’ll do it again. But hey, we all make mistakes, right?
What a great reminder. Thanks.
Thank you, Scott.
Great post Tom! I just had an interaction the other day where a student was disrupting the class and I responded with frustration after she crossed a line with outright disrespectful communication.. I met with her individually and told her that I was sorry and that it was my fault for letting her disrupt the class previously without holding her accountable. I admitted my own failure to be consistent. She looked at me teary-eyed and said, “ok.” Since that time, she has been making more of an effort to not interrupt her peers and I am making a concerted effort to give her extra attention at other times. Clearly her behavior is a message that indicates a need. Thanks for the great suggestions.
Appreciate you sharing. Knowing, truly knowing, our students makes all the difference.
I love your qurestion list!
Thanks
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